Oceans of blue
by elf Tinkerbell
Summary: This is a little oneshot about how I imagined the night at Christophers in Partings. About all the emotions, the hurt, the heartbreak and understanding oneanother.


Hey, this my first fanfiction here, even though by far not the first I wrote. But the first english one, though. It just felt akward to write Gilmore Girls in german, since I only watch it in english. I hope I didn't make to many mistakes and you still enjoy reading! Please r&r!!

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Amy Palladino. Only plot's mine. Lyrics by Delta Goodrem ("Be strong")

_**

* * *

**_

**Oceans of blue**

Lorelai ran her fingers slowly over the cool, white bell button, before she pushed it down tentatively. She didn't know why she was here, neither she had any memories of the past half hour nor how she had actually gotten here. Also everything that had happened before was somehow blurry and out of focus. It seemed unreal to her, that it wasn't even three hours ago, when she was still having dinner with her parents and Christopher, together with the psychologist. That's, where it all started…

In that very moment the massive red brownish door swung open and Lorelai was startled from her thoughts. There he was – Christopher – still in his light blue chemise, that he had worn for dinner. The same surprise and astonishment that resonated in his voice, when he greeted her, was also written in his eyes.

He needed neither a sixth sense nor some special knowledge of human nature to realise that something was very wrong. She was pale, her hair fuzzy, the strap of her dress was shifted and her big eyes looked at him so sadly and confused, as he had hardy ever experienced.

He followed her towards the living room, after he had closed the apartment door behind her. Lorelai had seated herself on the couch and was starring into space. The hands, that rested on her lab were pressed together so hard, that the knuckles emerged white.

_Are you swimming upstream in oceans of blue?  
Do you feel like you're sinking?_  
_Are you sick of the rain after all you've been through?  
Well I know what you're thinking_

Looking at that scene Christopher stopped for a few seconds in the door frame, hesitating. Then he cleared his throat.

"Can I get you something? Water? Or maybe a tea?"

On every other occasion he would had offered her coffee beyond doubt, but he felt that this wouldn't do her good right now.

As an answer she just nodded whereon Chris turned around swiftly and walked into the kitchen. Since he knew, that Lorelai loathed tea he just filled a glass of water and returned with it. Tentatively he walked towards her and sat the glass on the little coffee table in front of her and seated himself down across.

"What happened?" he asked after they had sat a while motionless and in silence.

But Lorelai only shook her head. She didn't want to talk, nor even think about it. However on the other hand she couldn't think about anything else.

"Now or never."

Her own words echoed in her mind constantly, over and over again.

_When you can't take it  
You can make it  
Sometime soon I know you'll see_

"Is it about Rory? Lor?"

Again it was Chris who startled Lorelai from her thoughts. She lifted her gaze and looked into his worried eyes, when she was shaking her head once again. He nodded relieved, but in the next moment he was even more confused then he had already been. If it wasn't about Rory, what else could have taken aback this strong, self-confident woman like that? And why of all things did she came here to him?

"Lorelai, what happened? Have your parents…?"

Again Lorelai negated wordlessly. A stinging pain had spread in her throat, which prevented every word that otherwise might have gotten over her lips. Instead a single tear drop ran down her cheek slowly, and then one more and one more. In a last-ditch attempt to hide her emotions she wiped away the tears with trembling hands. Lorelai was too confused to realise that it was way to late for any hiding.

Chris pulled up his chair closer, took her cold, wet hands into his own and squeezed them gently. For a short moment she seemed to calm down and relax a little. She returned the squeeze of his hand and then looked up to him. His eyes reflected anxiety and affection and the honest wish to be there for her and to help her.

_We're taking each step one day at a time  
You can't lose your spirit_

She didn't think about the consequences, as she pulled Chris slowly towards her and at the same time leaned forwards, till their lips met. She felt the same emotions, that she had just red in his eyes and she realised that the father of her only child still loved her, after all of these years.

Christopher loved her.

That thought struck her like a lightning. Immediately she drew back and rose to her feet hectically. "I have to go. I shouldn't have come here." she muttered, as she tried to push past Chris, who had stood up as well in the meantime – avoiding his gaze.

„Lor, please!"

„Chris, I'm sorry! I shouldn't even be here. I shouldn't have come. I have to go!"

Tears were running down her face again, when she finally looked up at him. She didn't even know why she came here, and she didn't want to use him. Not him, out of all people. He deserved better then that.

_Let live and let live forget and forgive  
It's all how you see it  
And just remember keep it together  
Don't you know you're never alone_

But instead of guiding her towards the door, being upset about what she did and how she had just treated him, he took her hands again. Now it was his turn to shake his head. "You don't have to go." He paused, looking her straight in the eyes. "Don't." And Lorelai returned his gaze. And in that moment she knew that he had long guessed what she was upset about. And she knew, why she had come here in the first place. He had always been there, as long as she could remember. Most of the time he hadn't been an acting part of her life, but yet she had always know, that if the worst come to the worst, he would be there, helping her, protecting her, comforting her. And she knew, he would do now. He would know the right things to do or to say. Christopher took a long journey to grow up, and he had make mistakes – and many of those – but he had never kept her out of his life, he had never… .

"Tell me what he did to you." His voice was soft and comforting, as were his fingers, when he wiped off the tears on her face.

That was more then she could take right now, even tough, or especially because, he just knew the right things to do – just as she had predicted it.

All the strength, that she had tried to keep, was gone, when she started sobbing and tears were watering her cheeks all over again.

_No you're not defeated  
And soon you'll be smiling once again  
Then you won't have to feel it  
Let it go with the wind  
Time passes us by  
And know that you're allowed to cr_y

Chris let go of her hands and just wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. So she could rest her head upon his shoulder, until her tears were running dry.

They just stood there in silence, in the middle of the living room, and the only thing to be heard was Lorelais sobbing from time to time. Neither of them could tell how much time passed, if it was just seconds, minutes or hours.

Whitish light fell on Lorelais face and brightened the darkness behind her closed eye lids. Dazzling she lifted them to identify the source, which had disturbed her sleep. What she saw left her in confusion for a few split seconds. Then, the memories of the events of the last night hit her with full force. After her fight with Luke she had fled to Christopher, seeking for some company and comfort. And that was exactly, what he had offered. After some time of silence somehow the pain had overwhelmed her so that she hadn't been able to hold back the tears anymore. When she had calmed down a little, Christopher had guided her into the bedroom, were she had fallen asleep immediately. Here she was now, some time in the middle of the night, woken by the beams of the moonlight, falling on the bed. Sighing, she sat up. She still felt dizzy and exhausted, like you feel, after crying your heart out, but it still felt awkward to just go back to sleep again, now that she had woken up. Lorelai looked around in the room which was quite empty and then noticed the flare that fell through the narrow gap of the door leading to the living room. Seemingly Christopher was still awake. So she got out of the bed, walked over to the door and opened it tentatively.

"Chris?" she asked quietly.

"Lor!" Surprised he got up from the chair in front of the desk and walked towards her. His eyes were small and looked tired but still surveyed her closely. "Is something wrong?"

"You're still up?" she asked without answering his questing and seated herself on the stool next the desk.

Christopher sat down again, rubbing his temples. "Yeah, the sofa is a little uncomfortable… and I couldn't sleep anyways."

Lorelai nodded, feeling somewhat uneasy because she had troubled him so much. She twisted around the ring on her finger – her engagement ring. She paused for a moment, starring at the jewel that Luke had given to her ages ago, as it seemed to her.

She felt Christopher's eyes resting on her as they sat in silence and knew that he expected her to at least give him a clue about what had happened and she also knew that it was time to do so.

"We broke up. Luke and I, we broke up." she said quietly, looking up from her fingers.

"What happened?"

"I asked him to elope with me, tonight, when I returned from dinner. I'm just tired of waiting. I don't wanna wait anymore. June third it was, everything was planed. But then April appeared and I gave him time to get to know and waited and kept out of it and let him do his thing. And we postponed the wedding and I waited. And I just waited for month and month, not doing anything, not having an opinion on anything. I just can't do this anymore. I mean, I asked him to marry me and he said yes!"

While talking she had gotten more and more emotional and tears were burning in her eyes again. But she fought them back, she had cried enough already. So she just took a deep breath and went on.

"So I told him that it was now or never and he just let me walk away. He didn't say now. And he let me go!"

_'cause when you're in your darkest hour  
And all of the light just fades away  
When you're like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of grey_

Lorelais voice was shaking when she said that and a single tear ran down her cheek.

"I'm sorry" Christopher said and gently stroked over her arm. "But I'm sure you'll be able to fix this. He was just stunned that you gave him this ultimatum so out of the blue and didn't know how to react."

"No!" Lorelai repeated desperately. "I can't take this anymore! I can't take any more of the waiting and hoping and waiting. All we did was putting it off again and again and I can't take this anymore. Don't you get this?"

"No… I mean… yes… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to.." Chris stopped, took a deep breath and started all over again.

"Look, what I meant to say was… you're all mixed up, you're upset and maybe things will look different in the daylight. And maybe they won't. But still… he's been a fool letting you walk away. And he's been a fool, not marring you right away when you asked him to."

Lorelai felt the bitterness in his words more then she actually heard it and more then he wanted her to hear. He had asked her more then once and she had always said 'no'. She knew, that this whole situation had to be awkward for Chris, but he was doing great. And so she decided to leave this topic aside for now.

A few minutes passed, then Chris got up, picking up the glass of water, that was sitting on the table, still untouched.

Lorelai took a nip, before she spoke again, being quite calm now.

"Thank you… for everything."

"You're welcome. Thanks for letting me be there."

"You're welcome" she answered with a slight smile forming on her face.

Christopher smiled back. "You'll be alright."

_Well hold on and be strong_

**- the end -**


End file.
